Tabloid Terror
by Red Witch
Summary: When the media gets a hold of the private details of Zach's life, his friends don't hold back.


**The tabloids took off with the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters. This is another insane idea that came out of my head from watching way too many entertainment shows! **

**And since the Galaxy Rangers does take place in a mostly alternate reality I played around with history just a bit. He he…**

**Tabloid Terror**

"Five thousand and eighty six channels on television and there's **nothing** on!" Shane Gooseman groaned as he flipped through the Tri D channels.

"Well that's because a thousand or so of them are hockey, baseball and football channels and they're out of season," Doc made a wry smile. "Another thousand are pay per view stations. Two thousand of them are just bad movies everyone else has seen a million times…"

"Flip to Channel Four, its almost time for the news anyway," Zach told them.

"This is Skip Stevens with a Channel Four News exclusive," The announces said. "For years many people have wondered about the danger of the Queen of the Crown. Some are saying that the entire Crown Empire is nothing more than an imagined threat perpetrated by the government in order to get more military spending."

"Wish it was," Doc growled. "Then I wouldn't feel guilty about spending some of that money on a hot tub."

"We have conclusive proof that not only is the conflict real but that human lives are at stake here," The screen showed images of humans being killed by Crown Agents and when humans were attacked on Kirwin. "In fact the government has been **purposely **downgrading the threat level."

"Where did they get those pictures? That's from one of the military space stations that was attacked by the Queen recently?" Shane realized. "That footage is classified! How did they get it?"

"Here is Eliza Foxx, wife of Galaxy Ranger Captain Zachery Foxx," Skip spoke. A shot of Eliza in the Cryocrypt was shown. "She is the first victim of the Crown Empire. Her life force has been stolen from her body and is now a slaver lord!"

Then there were images of a slaver lord among the attacking Crown agents. One freeze frame showed Eliza's image in the crystal and it was then blown up so no one could dispute it. "What the hell is this?" Zach yelled.

"This is supposed to be a military secret! How did they find out about Eliza?" Doc yelled.

"Now three members of the Board of Leaders are breaking their silence!" Skip spoke on camera. "These brave men have come forward to warn us all about the danger Earth is in. A danger the military wishes to conceal."

"Oh that explains it," Doc narrowed his eyes. "I knew the military needed to come up with new ways to get more funding but this…"

"I can't believe it!" Shane fumed. "Those scum suckers are using Zachery's pain to promote their own political agenda! How much you wanna bet Wheiner is **one** of them?"

"Senators Jason Handler, Marsha Yadnan and Erik Wheiner…"

"Told you!" Shane barked. "Turn that garbage off! The last thing I want to hear is that windbag speaking!"

"It's on **all** the channels!" Zach shouted as he started to change the channels. "They're holding some kind of press coverage."

"I take it you now know," Walsh sighed as he walked in.

"Yeah and knowing is a great reason to go down there and kick that slime's teeth in!" Zach yelled.

"Take a number," Shane growled.

"I have **begged** the Board of Leaders to increase programs like the Series Five Galaxy Rangers in order to protect the Earth from alien attacks," Senator Wheiner spoke on camera. "We need more fine young men and women like that in order to wage a never ending war against the Queen of the Crown."

"That lying sack of crap!" Shane shouted. "He wanted to close down the Series Five Program from day one! And he's the one who caved in and begged us to **negotiate** with the Queen of the Crown instead of fighting!"

"Why is Wheiner all of the sudden our best friend?" Doc stroked his mustache in thought. "It doesn't make sense."

"It makes **perfect** sense," Walsh growled as his rival Commander Cain walked in. "Doesn't it Cain?"

"As much as I'd love to take the credit for this Walshie, I'm afraid I had **nothing** to do with this little fiasco," Cain sighed. "I only found out about this just as the Board of Leaders sent out their little press junket. Which is really surprising that they got this one by me so fast, considering the number of people I know in the entertainment industry."

"Yeah the **adult entertainment** industry!" Walsh snapped.

"Look Walsh as much as I love to cause chaos with your life this was not my idea nor was it my fault!" Cain snapped. "And causing the public to panic is not always good military policy. Mostly because it usually backfires!"

"Yeah remember in history class when they told us how World War Three got started?" Doc asked. "When Vice President Quayle saw a tape of that movie ' The Day After' and thought it was the **real thing?** Right **after** he accidentally knocked out President Bush with a golf club? Kaboom!"

"Lucky for the planet all those calculations about how long nuclear winter would last were **way **off," Shane nodded.

"So why **is **Wheiner doing this?" Niko asked.

"Simple, the military wants more money," Cain told her. "The Board of Leaders wants more money for their pet projects and their pockets. Panicked people who think their lives are in danger are more likely to pay higher taxes for projects they think will protect them."

"That's awful!" Niko fumed.

"That's politics," Cain shrugged. "Look it's not all bad. I mean at the very least this shuts up most of those morons who think all those times the Queen tried to enslave us was a fake. And let's face it Walsh, BETA could always use more funding."

"True," Walsh sighed. "But I don't like the way it was played."

"Like I said it wasn't my decision," Cain shrugged. "The cat's out of the bag. Not much else we can do but adapt to the situation."

"So what do you suggest?" Walsh folded his arms.

"Say 'No Comment' to the press and go along with their plans in secret of course," Cain said. "Come on, why don't we talk about this in your office?"

"Like I have a choice?" Walsh growled as he left with Cain.

"For a man who doesn't put a lot of things in motion, he sure knows how to capitalize on them," Doc remarked.

Just then Buzzwang walked in. "Captain Foxx you got a call from the Rosadare space colony! It's rather urgent."

"Oh no," Zach said. "Put it through here!" He went to the vid phone and punched in the code to receive it. "Irma? What's the matter?"

"It's Jessica," Jessica's close friend sniffed. "She's real upset all about that TV show. Mr. Goose Janice and I didn't say anything to anyone about her mom! I swear!"

"I know Irma," Shane said softly. "This isn't your fault."

"Irma put Jessica on," Zach said. "Honey it's okay. It's going to be okay."

"Just when I thought Wheiner couldn't stoop any lower, he grabs a few of his buddies together and they all dig themselves a foxhole into a slime pit," Doc growled as he and Shane moved off to the side.

"Doc," Shane looked at his friend. "I've got a plan. But I'm gonna need your help."

"If it is what I **think** it is, then I am all ears my Gooseman," Doc smiled. "I take it we are going to dip into the Gooseman Files?"

"The what?" Shane was stunned. "What do you know?"

"You're not the only one here that's been collecting information on the Board of Leaders," Doc smiled.

"How did you know I was…?"

"I am the Doctor. I know everything," Doc grinned. "And I've got a few choice nuggets of information myself. Shall we confer to the Batcave to plan our attack?"

"The **what?**"

"Gooseman you **desperately **need lessons on the importance of pop culture," Doc shook his head. "Come on."

Buzzwang noticed they were leaving. "Rangers Hartford and Gooseman, where are you going?"

"Let's just say we know how to fight fire with fire," Doc grinned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Two days later…

"How's Jessica holding up?" Niko asked Zach.

"She's doing a little better since I brought her back to BETA for a while and away from those damned news crews," Zach growled. "Imagine hounding a innocent little girl at her own school just to get a sound bite!"

"At least here she can get away from the cameras until this blows over," Commander Walsh agreed.

"And something tells me that a new storm is coming in," Doc smiled as he turned on the Tri-D.

"Senator and government snitch Jason Handler was arrested today for his involvement in running an illegal underground tiny monster fighting ring," The newscaster spoke. "Here are pictures of Handler working with trainers as young as ten years old training strange little monsters how to fight."

There was footage of a boy in a red hat urging a yellow electric mouse to battle with a girl's blue penguin like creature. Then they were dragged away by police. "Hey! Come on! I'm Hash Getem! I'm gonna be the greatest monster trainer of all! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU MOTHER…."

"Animal control and the ASPCA was called in to round up and take care of the misused animals," Images of people getting electrocuted by white squirrel like creatures and being chased by dragon like creatures breathing fire was shown. One woman was being flown through the air by a giant bird like creature.

"At first it was estimated that there were only a hundred and fifty creatures but then that number grew to two hundred and forty," The newscaster spoke. "And now there's estimated nearly **five hundred different types** of the little buggers running around. An investigation is going on to where **exactly** Handler and his partners got these tiny monsters. It is rumored they were in league with the Team Missile Gang in obtaining these creatures from alien planets."

"In other news Senator Marsha Yadan is also under investigation for her involvement in bribery and corruption charges as well as some kind of underground card tournament," The newscaster went on. "Again also including minors."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!" A spiky haired blonde boy in a dark blue costume with a pyramid necklace shouted as he was dragged away by police. "I AM THE PHARAOH OF EGYPT! Well not exactly, I was the pharaoh of Egypt but I'm stuck in the body of this dweeby kid. BUT I'M STILL PRETTY POWERFUL SO YOU'D BETTER GIVE ME BACK MY CARDS!"

"I AM THE MAJOR OWNER OF A POWERFUL MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR COMPANY!" A teenage boy in a white coat was dragged away. "SERIOUSLY! I AM!"

"Some **mentally disturbed** minors with split personalities," The newscaster blinked.

"Why do I have the feeling that **you two** are responsible for all this?" Walsh growled as Doc and Shane who were sitting on the nearby couch.

"Who us?" Doc said innocently.

"That's what I thought," Walsh sighed. "I don't know whether to punish you or…Who am I kidding? We all know you two are going to get away with this."

"Too bad we couldn't get Wheiner investigated," Shane growled.

"No but we did get the next best thing," Doc changed the channel.

"This is Mary Hartman with the Divorce Report, reporting all about the marital scandals and custody catfights of the rich and famous," A perky blonde reporter spoke. "Our top story tonight is the Wheiner divorce. Trial finally concluded after more evidence of Senator Whiener's philandering was proven with some pictures and videotape of a conference last year at the Mars Hilton."

"I wondered what happened to that tape," Walsh gave Shane a look. "Goose next time you want some dirt on Wheiner, **ask me** so I can get in on it!"

"I would have but you needed to have some plausible deniability just in case," Shane remarked.

"Good point," Walsh said.

"Mrs. Wheiner was last seen dancing out of the courtroom with Commander Edgar Cain," Mary Hartman reported. "Even though there were allegations of an adulterous affair with Cain, Senator Wheiner was unable to prove them! For some reason…"

"Hey Burt!" Cain yelled out to the court judge while he was on camera. "Thanks for your help! How about the two of us go for a round of golf sometime later?" The judge looked startled but Cain was unfazed by the cameras. "What? I got new golf clubs."

"I'm not surprised," Walsh groaned. "Cain **lives** for attention. He doesn't give a damn about his reputation because his is the worst!"

"According to divorce attorneys, the former Mrs. Wheiner has just been awarded the mansion where she and her husband lived," Mary Hartman spoke. "Their summer home in France. All three of the family cars, custody of their two dogs, their luxury boxes for every World Series and Super Bowl games and an monthly alimony check larger than the combined salaries of the New York Giants. Wheiner has now moved to a modest apartment in…Well we don't know where but will all the money he has to pay we're pretty sure the place is going to be a dump."

"That's the one good thing about gossip television," Doc smiled. "They're always looking for a better story to top the last one."


End file.
